


all i've left to give

by reignofdreams (ninasdreams)



Series: light in the darkest places [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: 365k365day challenge, Angst, Canon Compliant, Episode Tag, Episode: s02e03 Parabatai Lost, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, POV Magnus Bane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-09-18 03:47:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9366659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninasdreams/pseuds/reignofdreams
Summary: Magnus' thoughts as he waits alone with Alec in his loft.





	

**Author's Note:**

> **Spoilers for 2x03** (you've been warned)

_Come back._

They’re the only two words he knows, all that he has left.

_Come back._

It’s all wrong. Alec is so still, so lifeless.

_Come back._

Nothing he’s done is working and every failure weighs heavier because Alec is _slipping_ , falling farther and farther where Magnus can’t follow. Every shallow breath, every brief stutter of Alec’s heart breaks Magnus’ own.

 _‘You’re not enough,’_ a treacherous voice whispers. _‘You’re too weak to save him.’_

He tries to block it out but the truth is there, laid bare before him. The clammy sweat on Alec’s brow, the wheezing stutter of his breath, the absence of his smile…

It’s all there, a sharp bitter reminder that he is losing the battle to save Alec’s life.

_‘No…it’s too soon. Not like this.’_

The thought crashes into him, drives the breath from him in a choked sob. Magnus has resigned himself to outliving the people he loves, has prepared himself for the eventuality because Alec is a Shadowhunter. The children of Raziel are known for dieing young and the odds are that their time together will be even shorter than most.

And it doesn’t matter. None of that _fucking matters_ because somehow Magnus has already given Alec all of himself without even realizing.

_Unless…_

He kisses Alec because it is all he has left, because a small desperate _ridiculous_ part of him wants to believe that his love could be enough.

Of course it isn’t. He wants to rage and lash out, magic and furious frustration unchecked until there is only destruction. He wants to kick himself because if 400 plus years on this Earth has taught him anything, it’s that True Love is a fairy tale. A sweet lie meant for children’s tales and the blissfully ignorant lives of mundanes. But this world, the real world full of demons and magic and war and death, this world has no place for such things and he is a fool thrice over for even entertaining the possibility.

So he stays by Alec’s side in a helpless vigil, nothing left but a silent prayer to any who will listen and a desperate plea.

_Come back._

**Author's Note:**

> I have a lot of feelings about this episode T___T
> 
> Come cry with me on [Tumblr](http://reignofdreams.tumblr.com).


End file.
